Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in rhiannonredwulf's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, July 5th, 2008
2:33 pm	Perfect Fifths Ah, the following thanks to Avatar-- Terribly amusing if you are into Medieval Music. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
10:18 pm	Kind of beat up I May Not Be Physically Fit Enough to Survive Living HereWow. I'm not sure I'm going to survive living and working for my parents.  Lots of dust, cleaning and toting to get the spare room where I can live in it. Then cleaning out the pool room with the housekeeper. Then two days of heavy labor cleaning out the junk room at the Meeting Place. My allergies are making me cough so hard I think I dislocated a rib again.  Today, I stopped at Walmart and bought a pack of filter masks.  That helped an enormous amount. The hard part is that Mom asks me to do something that's going to set off my coughing, then pesters me about taking better care of myself. Ack! I need to be better about saying, "I'm not 20 anymore. You're killing me."  But that's hard to say in McAlester. A very, very pride-based culture that my family lives in.  And it's difficult to sell that I should be cut slack.  I am one of the most physically fit people around here (I think I may be the only person in my family to use the stairs at the Meeting Place.) Well, physically fit -- If you don't count not being able to breath without coughing. Diabetes Having said that I'm settling in fairly well. Insulin usage was coming down till I started work. And is still no where near as high as it had gotten.  (Basal was up to 17. Back down to 11.  --It was 0 in January-- so definitely another cautionary example about stress.) Although morning fasting numbers are still problematic.  I think that may be the swollen joints/allergy thing though. Parents Both parents are trying so hard to make me feel welcome. We step on each other sometimes, as is always the case when visiting family that you don't see all the time. But really, they are both being very sweet to me. (Aside from the occasional murder attempts.) Thesis Snafus with the signature page. (One prof printed and signed his own page instead of the one with the other signatures, and then left town.)  Sigh. Profs!  My lovely advisor is going around and getting all the signatures for me again. Unfortunately, she's leaving and that means it will sit in Dr. E's box, and wait for her to get back from a trip and sign it and turn it in. -- Must remember to make sure all this gets done. So really, all I need to do is the Latin translation and I can upload the puppy. Rings My class ring arrived here before I did. It has "MA" and "2008" on it.  The lifetime warranty lets me update it for free as degrees change. So my right hand is not feeling so naked. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 28th, 2008
11:41 pm	In McAlester I've finally made it to McAlester.  Three profs have signed off on my thesis (with my promise that I'll make the last changes to it that they suggest.).  So one more to go. Tegan is very worried that I've been moving boxes and suitcases for hours each day trying to wedge into the spart bedroom. She tries to convince my mother that this is bad behavior and that at any moment I may come unglued and start getting rid of the furniture again. Really pooped. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 24th, 2008
9:49 am	News from Casper Well I've been a ghost for the last two weeks, haunting my former life. I'm in Morrill on weekends and evenings when no one is around, so truly, it is as if I'm on a different plane of existence. Out of the corner of my eye I can still see my furniture and rugs in my house, but when I look straight on of course, it's all gone.  All like a suspense movie. All very disturbing in some ways. The other disturbing part is that it is as if I'm continuing to walk towards my goal, but have turned around and am walking backwards. Headed the right direction, but turned so that I'm facing where I've been. No view of where I'm going, I can only see my past. Certainly a way of making letting go more final-- to sleep in an empty house while doing nothing but working on thesis revisions and house repairs. I'm now most definitely ready to move on to the next part of my life! Tegan is worried, I'm starting to pack the last of my stuff.  She is dismayed that perhaps getting rid of the cat, our roommate Elsa, and the furniture is not good enough?? Now I'm packing up the few remaining bits?? What kind of weirdo am I anyway? Tegan's eloquent commentary on my thesis revisions.... (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 22nd, 2008
4:10 pm	Page Count Eh!  It's up to 140 pages long. Eh! (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 19th, 2008
7:32 pm	States and Countries Hmm. Stolen from radclyff. States I've been to.  Now, I held myself down here. I have to be able to remember having been in the state.  So, I'm sure there are states that I've driven through, because I've driven from OK to New York and from OK to Michigan, but if I can't remember anything about it-- I'm not listing it.  (Sadly the only thing I remember about Pennsylvania is the 55 mph speed limit. But I do VIVIDLY remember that part.) create your own visited states map And of course, the same meme with countries.  Frighteningly, I still had some trouble identifying some of the places I've been.  I mean, we took a boat past the Straits of Gibraltar, starting from Spain, and we ended up someplace in Africa for the day-- I think that has to be Morocco, but I have no memory of anyone saying the country name.  We were supposed to go to the Caves of Hercules, but the entrance had collapsed in an earthquake, so the bus dumped us out at the black market all day.  I was 7 at the time.  I look back and think, "Wow, my parents took a 7 year old on an international flight. Wow. And I puked if I was in a car more than 15 minutes.  Wow."  My mother is just a brave woman.  For the record, yes, I hurled in the boat traveling through the straits of Gibraltar. I'm restraining myself from marking which countries I was in because there was a Pepsi convention there. (That's why Mom and Dad were in Spain after all.) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
6:49 pm	Just Chit Chat Who introduced you to LiveJournal? Why did you first open an account or get involved? View other answers   had me get an account long, long ago. But I didn't post to it until much more recently. meganwaters was feeling a little isolated, so I started posting to Livejournal instead of sending emails. Tegan Tegan is home again, although she walked in the house and was dismayed, "What did you do with the furniture??" I am obviously not to be trusted. House Still no contract on the house, and the buyer is wheedling about closing quickly. I may not be able to sneak out of this without getting the house ready and doing another open house. But I'm still hopeful this buyer will go ahead and come through. Enterprise Have been watching Enterprise episodes on my laptop. It's what Hastings had.  Wow. No wonder this didn't do well. Have you HEARD the theme music?  What happened to grand heroic opera style themes? What happened to "big" music?  This is... well.... The Gilmore Girls.  It's not bad, it's just not Star Trek. Heck, it sounds like Firefly wannabe. And holy smokes, the crew and captain act like a bunch of little kids let loose at recess. I'm at a loss to explain their unprofessional behavior.  I pity the poor vulcan who is stuck with them. If humans de-evolved emotionally in the 22nd Century, no wonder the Vulcans decided they needed a nanny.   And don't get me started about the engineer, who is cute, charming and self-assured about his cuteness and charm. He hates talking in jargon and simplifies his speech as much as possible. He doesn't really like talking about technical stuff much. We seldom see him touching machinery of any kind. He apparently doesn't tinker with things in his spare time.  --Have the writers of the show never MET a real engineer? All in all, there are interesting bits, but the writers don't appear to "get" Star Trek, and I don't think they put together a believable scenerio.  Blood Sugar Not doing well with keeping level. But then-- living in an empty house, and eating things that can be cooked with one pan that I have in my freezer-- that's a little challenging. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 14th, 2008
2:40 pm	House and Thesis Well, shoot. My buyers backed out the day after I left with all my furniture for Bloomington. FHA appraiser just isn't going to clear my house for them to purchase unless the whole thing is stripped and professionally painted. Right. Back to the drawing board. Of course, the house now looks bad, because there is no furniture in it, so all the dings, cracks, and chipped paint shows.  Sigh. We threw stuff into the condo as fast as we could, got the bookshelves up and an attic ladder installed, then hauled back to Stillwater so I could try to get the house back on the market.  (We packed the Uhaul Monday, arrived in Bloomington Tuesday, unloaded the Uhaul Wednesday, and left for Stillwater on Thursday-- we just worked our butts off.) So I'm sleeping on an air mattress this week, in my empty house in Stillwater. I moved all my thesis stuff into my office in Morrill to work on that. --Drop dead deadline is this Friday.  So I'll be getting up early, painting and doing repairs to the house while it is cool in the morning, then working on my thesis all day in my office.  Today I scraped the outside of the house, (which was goobered up with markings to show what the FHA person objected to-- so it has to be painted now, even though she won't pass it.) Mom is thinking about coming back up to help me paint. What a sweetie. Hmph. Took me a while to sort through all the stuff and get work space set up to start thesis revisions.  Guess, I'd better get cracking on that. The laptop is being my shining possession at this moment. Last night was pretty wierd, being in my house with it all empty, with nothing to do. But I had a netflix that had come while I was gone, and so I sat in a lawn chair that I'd abandoned at the house and watched Deep Space Nine. (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 8th, 2008
10:48 pm	Chips, Salsa, and a Packed Up House So I'm sitting here eating "Gourmet Wafer Crisps" with Salsa.  They are toasted parmesan cheese.  rfrancis was skeptical about parmesan and salsa, but really, it's crunchy and mildly cheese flavored, so I'm calling it a win for salsa.   --The important part here is that they are .5 grams for 3 crisps.  So, they would let me be able to scarf down the complimentary salsa at a Mexican restaurant. (Restaurants and diabetes-- it's all about bringing little things that make the menu work.)  The crisps are over at Netrition.com.  I ordered them just to see. The spicy pumpkins seeds from Eden Foods are also a win I think. ____ Finished my chips and salsa and am now ready for bed.  A loooong day.  Myllisant (whose livejournal name I cannot find and someone should send me) and martinl_00 came over and helped pack. Thea also came, but did not help pack.  gunhilda also bravely came back for a second day of box loading.  The company was much much appreciated. I am so woefully bad at being chipper under bad circumstances when alone.  I'm much better about it with company. The house is mostly all packed down. There are things like the food and my summer clothes that will need to be packed to go to McAlester when I get back, but mostly, it's all in boxes ready to go.  If I hadn't packed my camera, I might post a picture.  If I hadn't packed my phone's cable, I'd post the picture of Thea happily sitting in my stock pot. Tomorrow mamamoiracomes and gets me at eight to take me the Uhaul place. Once I've got the truck, I go home and wait for the two guys from "Two Guys and a Big Truck" to show up. They pack house into the truck. We pack suburban, take truck to storage unit-- pack truck some more (pray that it all fits and we don't have to rent an additional trailer to pull behind the suburban), then take Equinox to St. Andrew's to dump stuff, then by the Chevy dealership for repairs, and head out of town. It's all the big adventure!  Woosh. Hope it doesn't rain the whole time. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 1st, 2008
6:41 pm	Castellan, Insulin and Analecta Hymnica Castellan was this weekend. Although I have far more to do than I can say grace over, I decided I'd regret it if I didn't make time to go. When I arrived on site with mamamoira and rfrancis the first news I heard was that Elizabetta was going to be made a Pelican that night. Woo!  As these usually go, there was a mad dash to get groceries for a reception, and so we sent beccalynnlaw by my house to pick up my camera and to get boiled eggs.  Now the boiled eggs were cooked by my neighbor Laura, who kindly boiled all her eggs and all my eggs when I called her on the phone, and left them chilling under ice for the "runner" to come get them.  I have no idea how brambleberry  is going to survive without my neighbor Laura. This is not the first time we've called and been saved by her. Elizabetta was calm and happy every time I saw her.  The award was so well-deserved. She's been a workhorse for a long time. Lovely to see someone recognized for service. The musicians played for feast (had servers dancing at one point-- that's always fun), and we played for Elizebetta's procession.  We had two Calontiri, Constancia and Lucia, who came down to join our pit. They played all afternoon with us and did feast as well.  toinettec and I ran off to the pool in the mid-afternoon-- and that was just the thing on such a hot day. Hopefully marccarlson will post his pictures of the event. There was not a single good photo on my camera when I got it back from the person I'd handed it to to take pics. [edit marccarlson  did post his fabulous pictures to: http://www.flickr.com/photos/27265409@N04/.  And beccalynnlaw posted some to her flicker account at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/26830005@N02/] This pick from becklynnlaw.  Looking at marccarlson's pics I remembered that Elizabeth de Calais and Don Timothy received Star of Merits.  Although we had such a time hearing where the musicians were sitting, that I thought they'd given Timothy an Iris, and congratulated him on it later. (blush).  Don Theresa was made general of something and Ivo received a crane earlier in the day at one of the "suprise" courts that kept happening.  Really-- I'm just not the good gossip source about the awards from this event. I missed all of the courts but the big one, and then couldn't hear the big one. (For example-- Damon got something, but what I'm not sure.) Overall the event was all just lovely. Except.... Bad Insulin? I could not get my blood sugar down for love nor money.  I checked it every couple of hours, and it was always too high and I always took another unit or two or two and a half in order to correct it. Which didn't really phase it. So that evening, after I've taken 15 units or so (when I don't usually use that much in an entire day), I came to the conclusion that the new cartridge of insulin I'd put in the pen right before I left town, must have been spoiled--that it must not be working.  Blech. Today though, I'm using the same insulin cartridge and it is working fine. There appears to be nothing wrong with the insulin. So what was up yesterday? The heat maybe stressing my body? Stress because I'm saying goodbye to people?  A brief illness?  I'm just stumped.  But whatever it was, I'm back to normal today. Analecta Hymnica So in the late 1800s- early 1900s, Guido Dreves edited a series of books called, "Analecta Hymnica." It's this giant compendium of Latin Hymns from the middle ages.  In the 55 volumes, about 5 or 6 of them have some music. (Wow, I didn't realize how scarce music is.) I'm sitting and plowing through all 55 volumes today, looking for music, then evaluating whether it could be used in my search for a tune for my thesis lullaby or not.  Interesting in it's own way, but surprising how few goliardic stanza hymns have surviving music.  Actually, I'm astonished how many texts there are compared to how little music there is, in general (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 29th, 2008
9:30 pm	The Wheel Spins A day of ups and downs. Up Dr. Strange called at 7:45 this morning. I normally am a morning person, but today I was sleeping in.  It took me a minute to figure out who Dr. Strange was, and why he kept repeating 5.28.  Right Hba1C. Labwork I had done last Friday for the doctor's appointment I had to cancel on Tuesday. But still, happiness and joy that it's a good number. (That's an average blood sugar of 90, so I'm happy.) Down The house did not appraise for what I'm selling it for. That means my buyer's loan won't go through.  Now, the appraiser is wrong-- but for the kind of loan my buyers are getting they have to use the one special appraiser.  I sent a list of things to the one special appraiser to try to get her to redo her valuation. (Things like... the house is a different size than she said it was.)   We'll see how that goes.  I got really bummed about it. Then I talked to my mom, and we talked about alternative financing that might be possible. Up Then the buyers called and said one of their parents would loan them the difference if necessary. Ah, back to happiness and joy. Down Sitting here freaking out a bit at not having the thesis done. Up I got in twenty minutes on an eliptical this evening. Endorphin junkie that I am, it just makes me happy.   Well, and roast for dinner. If a slow cooked roast doesn't bring happiness to my day-- what can? (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 28th, 2008
11:27 pm	Death and Exercise Death Well, so I'm doing research on Medieval ideas about death. That's just the sort of thing I have to share. One of the things that is really interesting is that up until pretty recently, there's been a tradition within Christianity about the "tame death."  The idea is that God sends you a sign so that you know you're about to die, and you have time to get things in order. But mostly the signs are just natural things. You hear a bell, and you just "know."  And then you carefully say goodbye, put things in order, and then you lay down on your bed and die. It was considered kind of fishy if you died suddenly or were by yourself when it happened. (After all, what kind of bad person are you that you didn't "know" the hour of your death was coming?) This all kind of makes sense, because death didn't use to be so bad. In the early Christian Church, death was thought of as "going to sleep." And the idea was that at the end of time, there would be the resurrection, which is a big party where everything is sunny and wonderful, and Jesus is there wearing his best Sunday-clothes, standing next to Dad. Everybody wakes up and it's all good. That's what they got out of the Book of Revelations. However, in the 13th and 14th centuries, they lay a veneer of the Book of Mathew over the top of that and you get (dun dun dun...) The Day of Judgment. Now the picture is, Jesus in a grey pin-stripped suit holding a bunch of files and briefs. Dad is up on the bench of the court room, and he's going over the evidence.  And all this happens the SECOND that you die. No more going to sleep and waking up. Nope. It's BAM and there you are in defendant's box answering questions about your life. Okay, well, and there are angels with trumpets flying around. (Although, they've been cleared by the department of Homeland Security, so it's okay. They've got clearance for flyovers.) Of course, you still had warning that you were going to die. Although you probably didn't notice the army of angels and demons fighting over you above your bed as you were dying. But the pictures show them really clearly. And sometimes in the pictures, your bed is actually in the cemetery. Then in the middle of the 14th century, here comes the Black Death (also known as the plague). Suddenly death is the grim reaper with a scythe. He's mowing down young people left and right. He's dancing with a bunch of skeletons, and they are all in a circle doing Maltese Brasle, and he turns to you and holds out his bony hand, and you have to step forward and join the dance. And you are wondering-- what happened to Jesus and the angels?  But they are no where to be seen.  Or maybe you're sitting at a dinner table with your friends and you're all laughing and talking, but there's death sneaking up behind one of you. And he stretches out his hand, and one of you is gone.  (Well, okay, that's what a plague will do to everyone's imagination eh?)  Afterwards the "tame death" crept back in. They said even in the 19th century it was considered normal for a person to "know" they were going to die, rather than ask a doctor about when they were going to die. I thought this image was amusing. I guess if you are going to have a dance with death, you've got to have music. Well, that's as far forward as I read about Medieval death. The thesis after all is on a lyric in the 14th century, and not the danse of death 14th c, but the tame death, day of judgment part of the 14thc. The book I was reading this out of was, The Hour of Our Death, by Phillipe Aries. toinettec pointed out that these days we think of death as being a place where all the people you've known will be waiting for you. Not sleep, not judgment, but a reunion where you know everyone. Certainly that's true for me.  I think of it as getting off the boat at the Grey Havens. I wrote a ballad once based on something a friend, Lucais, said at another friend's grave side. Here's a link to an Mp3 of it. It wasn't until years later, when I saw the LotR's movie, (long after I'd written the song), that I realized my conception of death must have fastened on the grey havens in my childhood. And that's why Lucais' words had been so meaningful. Exercise Wow. So you know how it is-- you're living with someone who goes on a health kick and starts eating right and exercising, and suddenly you're thinking, "Jeesh, I should get more exercise."  So watching the corgi's butt bounding down the hallway with a bit more vim and vigor each day, I decided I should do SOME kind of exercise. So since I had to pay for summer tuition because I didn't get my thesis done by the deadline-- I have a gym membership at the Colvin for free. This evening I went over and did a bit on an eliptical (my gym equipment of choice.) I dutifully ate my raisins before and after, so that my blood glucose wouldn't go low. (10 Comments |Comment on this)
12:46 am	Thesis, Insulin, Weight, and Dance Thesis Sigh. One of my committee members said today she doesn't feel comfortable signing off on it before she leave on a trip. So, no way to get the thing in until she comes back in late June.  Argh. This is the never ending project. Insulin I have scored 5 disposable Lantus pens. Hmm. I wonder if they last longer if you just keep them in the fridge all the time?  Well, and oddly, I've been going low all day. Which makes me worry-- maybe the insulin wasn't going bad-- maybe I've got a section of my tummy that's going insulin resistant. (I have a 12 spot rotation for injections sites for the Lantus on the fat part of my tummy.  I've got a 21 spot rotation going on my thighs for the novolog, but then I take the novolog three times a day.)  I'm grunting while looking at my checking account. I always somehow forget to plan for what happens when my insurance benefit runs out. I somehow conveniently forget exactly how expensive managing the diabetes is. Will be okay, it's just going to be a tight month till the house closes on the 16th.  Weight Exercise schedule is going well. Tegan is picking up a little more stamina. Maybe I can coax her into walking to campus with me some this week.  Her weigh-in for tonight was 27.2 pounds. I'm assuming the big drop is due to being finished with the steroids (which means we're tapering off on the pumpkin as well. -- Do dogs have water-weight that they lose first really quickly?)  If the weight loss keeps being this rapid, I'll up her food a bit. Don't want her losing it too fast.  Saw an ad today for pills to make your dog lose weight.  That hit me funny. Although maybe Tegan might vote for it. Dance Had a good time playing with the musicians tonight. Had to borrow a tuner. I appear to have packed/lost/thrown mine out a car window. Also got to dance with people. What lovely people I'm friends with. Good to see people and get hugs.  This is all a scary time for me, so it's good to touch base with "real" stuff like being with friends. Ox finished the cross bows and brought them to Mazzio's after the meeting.  Ollj and I said "Sweet" simultaneously when we saw them. I should take a photo of the one I've got before I turn it over to Guni. Ox put a lot of shaping into them. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 26th, 2008
11:18 pm	Insulin Woes So before I left for Bloomington, I called the pharmacy on campus and ordered Lantus.  But since the Opticlick pen sucks (jams a lot), the pharmacist called my doctor to get a prescription for Lantus' new disposable pen. (I'm suspicious that it will have the same crappy plastic parts in it, and will still jam-- but I'm willing to give it a shot.) Well, so I snuck through my trip with only the one cartridge, and felt a little dicey about it, but I knew I'd have my prescription waiting on me when I got back to Stillwater.  Unfortunately, the pharmacist gagged on how expensive the Lantus was, and didn't order it. He was afraid that once I saw the price ($186) I'd cancel the order.  Now the problem is-- Lantus is horribly heat sensitive and I live in Oklahoma. So if I mail order it, it may come in and be dead, and I'll be out the money and still not have insulin, so I had decided I needed to just buy the bloody insulin from the Voodoo village pharmacy. The pharmacist ordered it when I went on Friday, but since it was a holiday weekend, it's not coming in until Tuesday. Unfortunately, I think the Lantus I have is dying on me. I can't seem to get my fasting blood sugars below 100 no matter how much of it I take. Sigh. Lantus is such a weenie insulin. It doesn't tolerate temperature change well, and it dies at the end of 30 days outside a fridge no matter what. So, doubtless, traveling with it shortened its life, and I was already on the backside of the month.  Piffle. (And did I mention that you can't refrigerate the Lantus pen because it will break if you do?) So starting Thursday, my fasting numbers have been 120 or so. I haven't had numbers that high in well over a year. I got it below 110 this morning, by taking a tiny bit of bolus insulin before bedtime and eating a tiny bit of almonds. I'm trying that again tonight. I say again-- piffle. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 25th, 2008
2:46 pm	Midnight Noises, Corgi Weight, Certificate, & Fortuna Midnight Noises Last night I heard a funny noise in the bathroom. It sounded like something was in the bathtub. I pulled aside the shower-curtain, and there was my dog in the bath-tub.  She was licking up the drops of water by the drain. She looked sheepish about the whole thing and got out. I went to the kitchen and sure enough, her giant water-bowl was empty.  Now, the simple truth is that Elsa probably filled the water bowl more than I did for the last couple of years, so without Elsa, I'm not filling it enough. Sometimes I'm the bad dog-owner.  Corgi Weight Anyone who has tried to get weight off knows that that's no good at all. One has to drink plenty of water. And as soon as I filled it, Tegan whuffed down two or three cups of water. She's definitely out of shape after the two-weeks on antibiotics, so we're starting slow. Two ten-minute sets of ball playing each day, and continuing to monitor our food closely. I tried to insert a walk over to campus, but she just wouldn't go. Too hot, too far, and she's too out of shape.  (She's laying on her back behind my chair with legs akimbo, even as I type.) Certificate This morning in church Mo. Mary presented the graduates of the four-year EFM program their certificates. It's a continuing education course that I've done for the last four years. (One year of Old Testament, one year of New Testament, one year of Church History, one year of Philosophy and Theology.)  It's been a good four years. Looking around the church I got kind of teary-eyed.  I saw people who were in the class when I started and have already graduated, and the people who were in the class this past year. It's run as a one-room school where all four years meet at the same time. It's an interesting learning environment because one is always getting a preview of what is to come, and a review of what you learned previously.  In some ways, it's probably a more effective teaching environment than a traditional classroom-- if the goal for the student is to remember the material and to have looked at the material from various viewpoints.  Because of course, when one does the later years, they reflect back on the first year and the Old Testament. So hearing the first year students talking about their lesson, makes you reconsider that lesson in the light of whatever year one happens to be in. Probably not many subjects are as conducive to this kind of exchange across years, but it works really well in this instance. It also includes "theological reflections" each week.  Now these always seem hokey to me. They are discussions about circumstances, elements from our culture, stories from the bible... The goal is to pick them apart and try to come at some kind of understanding about what one's own synthetic world view is.  Often this seems like unnecessary belly-button staring.  However, I have to admit that the real life-changing aspects of the class, were those reflections. Being trapped into asking myself questions about what I think about things, what I value, etc.  made me start making changes in my life.  I would not have gone back to school to get my Master's if I hadn't been in the class.  And being in a class with adult Christians who are life-long learners is really heartening.  One of the ladies in the class is in her 70s. That just makes my heart glad to be around her. Someone who's still flexible, who can question their faith, stretch their understanding, ask questions and look for answers, rather than having become hardened into their opinions by the years. May we all be so alive when we are that age. Ramblings on Fortuna Info for my Thesis I'm revising the section of my thesis on the goddess Fortuna. The lyric has a stanza that's been appropriated from a song to the goddess. Which as you remember, makes the lullaby seem a little wonky.  I just finished reading a book about the Medieval conception of Fortuna.  Essentially the classical world had a strong suspicion that chance lay behind everything. Christianity came along and said, "Nope, nope, life is not random chance."  Then in the Middle Ages, writers continued to refer to the goddess and her wheel, but had a time making her square with their own religious beliefs. It's interesting, because of course, one's experiences in life leads one to think, "It's all true. My foot IS stuck on the wheel of fortune and it continues to spin. Sometimes I have good fortune, but that means the wheel is at the top and I'm about to be spun down and drug through the mud."  Almost everyone at some time or another offers another person condolences by saying, "That's a tough break." or "What  rotten luck."  On the other end of the spectrum is one flavor of Christianity where a rational God created a rational universe and knows every hair on your head. Of course, Christianity (even Medieval Christianity) is full of paradox, because it asserts 100% that God is paying attention, but also asserts 100% that humans have freewill.  (Okay, okay, there are sects here and there who don't believe in free will, but they're kind of the fringe.) So what appears to be chance is a combination of choices that people have made, and some kind of interaction between the originally created universe/God/ and us.  This is just not easy stuff. This is the sort of thing that I wouldn't give much thought to ordinarily, but there it is, Dr. E. forced me to read an entire book on how Medieval Writers tried to patch up Fortuna so that she would still fit into their world view. They had a couple of ways to reform her: She's actually an agent of God who looks like she's random, but there are reasons behind the ups and downs of the fortune in your life. (So, ya, MacBeth's fortune goes downhill, but he's a sorry SOB and deserves it for breaking faith with his king.) or She's an agent of the devil, and you are not born with your foot on her wheel; you choose to climb on it by pursuing riches and fame. Anyone who puts their heart into seeking dross like that will be subject to the fickle changes of Fortuna. or Like the stanza in my lullaby- they make no attempt to reconcile a pagan deity with a Christian God at all. They just don't look too carefully at either one.  Because... let's face it. She's a cool looking symbol. Notice the four figures around the wheel? One climbing up, One a king at the top, One falling, and one crushed beneath it. And the goddess sitting in the middle with her hand turning the wheel. --She's every medieval author's sweetheart-- The thing that makes a story-line possible. No tragedy without the turning of the Wheel. No comedy without the turning of the Wheel. So that explains why she's in medieval literature, and why despite the fact that most of us don't say we believe everything is chance (we like to think things are consequences and reactions), but we still get cornered into sounding like we think there is an entity called chance that inserts random events into our lives.  However, none of this explains why a well-educated tri-lingual Franciscan tacked that stanza onto a lullaby to the Christ Child.  I think for that, one has to admit.... people always want to add extra stanzas to songs if they like the tune. And probably like me, he just didn't get het up about things like a little paganism sneaking into his songs. If you've read this far, you might be curious about the lyrics, so I'm copying my translation of them below: Original stanza from a song about Fortuna: The lady fortune is both friend and foe, of the poor she makes rich, of the rich poor also, She turneth woe all into joy, and joy into woe, Do not trust any man to this joy, while the wheel turns so. Stanza cribbed into the Lullaby: Never trust in this world. It is fully your foe The rich he makes poor, the poor rich also. It turns woe to joy, and joy to woe. Let no man trust to this world while it turns so. Lollai, lollai little child, your foot is on the wheel. You don't know whether it turns to woe or cheer. So, it would seem the view of Fortune in the lullaby is that the world itself rotates and spins chance in a circle. In it, the child is seen as being one of the figures who are trapped on the wheel, not in control of his fate, and unable to get off the unstable wheel. The only nod towards reconciling Fortuna with Christianity is to remove her name.  --Yep. I'm pretty sure it must have been a ripping little tune, and people kept saying, "Hey, you know you can sing the one about Fortune to that same tune?" (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 24th, 2008
1:17 pm	Rings and Carmels Rings I feel like my life just has these terribly symbolic motifs. When I married, my mother gave me her first set of wedding rings to be melted down and remade. I wore the rings while I was married, and have them filed away now that I am divorced. I cannot get rid of them because of the origin of the gold. I cannot wear them because they are the symbol of a relationship that does not exist anymore. Last summer Ainar made my apprenticeship ring into the stem of a hand-made silver cup for me as a present for my laureling. I'd worn the ring (a gift from my laurel) for almost a decade, so taking it off felt odd.  But I like the idea that I will drink from the cup of my apprenticeship the rest of my life. But it still left one of my fingers bare, as I wore it mundanely as well as for SCA. Last night I was trying to get through my inbox of forms and membership dues that I've been putting off filling out.  One of them was the form to have my college ring updated to show my Master's.  So, I packed it up in bubble wrap and it's sitting in my backpack ready to be mailed off to Balfour. (Free updates throughout my life. How lovely.)  But I went to put on rings this morning, and the only one was a little emerald ring that I'm wearing on my ring finger. My life right now feels like that. One by one I'm laying aside responsibilities here, saying goodbye to people, groups, and my neighborhood. But there isn't anything to replace them yet, so my life, while busy, is feeling somewhat bare. Well, when I get to Indiana, I plan to look about for a jeweler who will remelt the gold from the wedding rings and fashion a ring with "Honore et Gaudio" written around it. "With honor and joy."  A good SCA motto, but also a good life credo as well. Carmels One of the things I've come across this last few weeks is that Cracker Barrel (a restaurant that my niece and mother will eat at, that also has a low-carb menu) sells Go Lightly candies.  Their carmels are quite good. Junk food of course, since they are chock full of sugar alcohols, but none of the ones that upset my stomach.  (Sweetened with Splenda instead of Malitol).  Since carmels are one of my favorite candies, it was a treat to buy a bag of them. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 23rd, 2008
7:26 pm	Moving and Weight Pricing Movers So, some of the moving companies will pack my house, move it, and unload it for less than I could do it myself.  However, some of the moving companies charge twice as much.  Obviously, more investigation is warranted.  When something looks too good to be true, it almost invariably is. Upon investigation, some of them put my stuff in a semi, then drive it in the general direction that it's supposed to go, but pick up more and more furniture as they go. Then off load it into storage to wait there till they get a full load going to Indiana, then they'll reload it all, and drop other people's stuff off bit by bit along the way.  So, one might not get shipment for 3 or 4 weeks after they pick it up. Five days is considered "quick." And some of them hire day-laborers to load and unload, so the packers, drivers, and unpackers are all separate people. Some of them employed by the company, but some of them just temporary workers.  --Hence why I can't find a single positive review of a moving company outside of their own websites.  The comments all say, "They showed up drunk."  "They cursed at my wife."  "They broke my furniture, but the company won't answer the phone when I call."  "My furniture didn't show up for a month." Sigh. Everything turns into a research project. Tegan's Weight I think she gained weight while at the vet's this past week.  The bag of food I sent should have had quite a bit extra left over, but it didn't, and just looking at her-- she looks chunkier. Of course, she was also on steroids for the grass allergies-- and those make one pack on weight.  But then again, it might be that she's the same weight, but the bath has made her look "fluffier." Bless her heart, she doesn't want to jump down out of the car without me kneeling to make stairsteps with my legs for her to get down. And she gets hot and tired out very quickly. Her breathing when she sleeps is a little wheezy as well. (Although that might be the allergies instead of the weight.) And of course, she's a dog, so her well-being is my responsibility, not hers. I've got to figure out a way to manage her weight better. So starting tonight, 1/3 cup of food twice a day.  And as soon as she's off the antibiotics and steroids-- more exercise.   I went and bought a scale since I just don't seem to be a good judge of her weight.  Weigh-in tonight was 28.4 pounds on the home scale. (14 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
9:23 pm	Nearly Home Almost back home.  I'm in McAlester for the night, then on to Stillwater in the morning. Called the vet, Tegan is "eating well," they said.  Now of course, that's a silly thing to say--- a corgi on it's death bed will be eating well.  But we talked it over and I had them give her a bath. I'm sure Tegan thinks this is insult to injury. Being abandoned at the vet's for a week, AND a bath at the end of it.  Oh the guilt. Still trying to figure out what miracle occurs where the thesis gets done on time. But that's for tomorrow. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 19th, 2008
11:00 pm	Closing I own a condo! A little uphill today. Rained while we were unloading stuff into the condo, and the electric company inexplicably didn't turn on the power until I called while standing in the cold condo.  Mom and I measured and argued and fussed about where to put stuff. We drove my niece crazy I think. But really, how can one make decisions like that if there is no one to bounce ideas off of, and who plays devil's advocate?  It's really a productive process, although a little trying at times. Successfully dealt with wacky food schedules today. Albeit, that was partly by just excusing myself to go the bathroom in Sears, walking out into the mall, and eating a first lunch at a chinese takeout place by myself. Then later having a second lunch when my traveling companions were ready to eat at 3.  -- So, I had to overeat to do it. But I didn't melt down, and I was able to navigate the treacherous waters of "social eating."   Eh- I take my victories as I see them. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 17th, 2008
11:06 pm	Snippet while traveling Arrived safely in Bloomington with my Mom and niece Misty.  Lovely to spend time with them. We are, of course, in a Marriott. (It's just Mom's hotel of choice.) We finished watching P.S. I Love You on the pay per view. Wow. I just cried through the whole thing. A telling theme I suppose-- being alone after being married to someone. A bit worried about my insulin supplies. Ah, I am the bad diabetic. I kept trying to log on to mail order it, and the website wasnt' taking my login, then finally broke down and called the student pharmacy, but they were out and had to order it. So I'm skating through this trip with one cartridge of each, and it's just enough to get me through the week and back home again. Eek. Bad Diabetic, bad diabetic. I've never traveled without a back up cartridge of each before, but I've never had to get out the spare. Not even once. So, although this is not "best practice," it's not as awful as it sounds at first.  I console myself that if absolutely necessary I can go to an emergency room and talk my way round the doctor on duty. But I'm hopeful, I'll just be able to eat moderately and skate by. Got an email from my advisor terrorizing me about getting my thesis done.  Sigh.  Over-committed, I've definitely gotten over committed again. And the morning before I left, Tegan was having a bit of upset stomache, and I decided I jsut couldn't ask anyone to stay with her, so I called the vet and kenelled her.  I feel wretched about this, as of course, she was miserable when I left her, and is probably going to greive and be miserable the whole time I'm gone.  Sigh. Well, I have done the best I could for her. Just no place I can leave a dog that is on antibiotics and having a loose tummy. (Grass allergies again.) The reports on Elby look good though. She and the other cat hate each other but aren't touching. Hey for Cats, that's almost cordial. They might actually decide to be friends with such a quick warm up. :-) (6 Comments |Comment on this)